Over the last couple weeks, our LGBTQ2S+ & U group on Upopolis has been talking about gender pronouns. Gender pronouns are words someone would like others to use when talking about or referring to them. The most common pronouns used are “he, him, his” and “she, her, hers”. When someone is transgender or gender nonconforming, they may prefer to use different pronouns, such as “they, them, theirs”.
If you’re cisgender, which means your gender identity matches the sex you were assigned at birth (i.e. Born a female and gender identity is female), you may have not given much thought to pronouns before. The pronouns a person uses are an important part of their identity. For people who are transgender, the shift in pronouns can be an important part of their transition. For example, Canadian actor Elliot Page recently came out as trans and noted that he uses the pronouns he/they.
So, how can you be supportive? You might make a point of telling others what pronouns you use when you meet new people and asking if they’re comfortable sharing theirs. You might state your own gender pronouns in your email sign-off. These are great ways to communicate that you are supportive of all identities and an ally to the LGBTQ2S+ community!
Once someone tells you their gender pronouns, try your best to remember what they are and use them appropriately. Of course, we’re all human and can make mistakes sometimes. Consider these tips for if you accidentally misgender someone:
1. If this happens during conversation with someone, calmly apologize, correct yourself, and continue speaking.
Do this even if the person you misgendered isn’t around. This will help you to remember to use the right pronouns in the future, to help others to remember, and to communicate your allyship to the LGBTQ2S+ community. There is no need to excessively apologize, justify why you made the mistake, or defend yourself. Doing this only centers your own needs and feelings over the person who has been misgendered.
2. Commit to doing better.
On your own time, reflect on why you made that mistake and think about how you can prevent yourself from making it again. This may even involve practicing using pronouns you are less familiar with so you can be more confident when using them in conversation.
The general consensus is that if you misgender someone, it should never be the responsibility of the person you misgendered to make you feel better about it or to help you do better at respecting their identity. Language can make such a huge impact on mental health and self-esteem, so we should all do what we can to communicate our respect to others with the way we speak, and the words we choose to use!