Author: Upopolis Team

The holiday season can be a challenging time, especially when you have been faced with the loss of someone who was part of your life but also caused pain or hurt. When someone we know who was abusive, hurtful, distant, or uninvolved dies, the emotions that follow can be incredibly complex. You might feel relief, guilt, sadness, or even confusion, and it’s important to understand that all these feelings are valid.

Acknowledging Complicated Emotions

The death of someone who was physically or psychologically hurtful can create a mix of emotions that may seem at odds with one another. On one hand, you might feel sorrow for their death; on the other, there may be relief or anger about the pain they caused. It’s important to recognize that grieving this type of loss doesn’t follow a set path. It’s okay to feel multiple emotions at once, and it’s essential to allow yourself to process these feelings without judgment.

Understanding Your Grief

1. Mixed Feelings: Understand that grief can include a wide range of emotions. You might feel sadness for the relationship you wished you had, anger for the hurt they caused, or guilt for feeling relieved. These feelings can exist at the same time, and it’s okay to explore them.
2. No Need to Justify: You don’t need to justify your feelings to anyone. Society often expects us to mourn a “loved one” in a specific way, but your experience is unique. It’s perfectly normal to feel conflicted about someone who hurt you or people you care for.

Coping Strategies

1. Talk About It: Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can help you process your emotions. This could be a friend, family member, or counselor. Speaking about your experiences can validate your feelings and help you feel less isolated.
2. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts can be a powerful way to navigate complex emotions. You might write about your memories, your feelings about their passing, and what you wish had been different in your relationship. Journaling provides a safe space to express what you’re going through.
3. Create Boundaries: If you find yourself dealing with family or friends who want to discuss the deceased in a positive light, it’s okay to set boundaries. You have the right to decide how much you want to share about your feelings and experiences. And, it is okay to step away from conversations that you do not want to be included in.

Finding Healthy Outlets

1. Engage in Self-Care: Prioritize your well-being during this time. Whether it’s through exercise, spending time with friends, or indulging in a hobby, find activities that bring you joy and comfort. Self-care is crucial when navigating complex emotions.
2. Artistic Expression: Use art, music, or writing as an outlet for your feelings. Creating something can be therapeutic and can help you express emotions that might be difficult to articulate verbally.
3. Mindfulness and Reflection: Consider mindfulness practices, such as meditation or yoga, to help you stay grounded. Reflecting on your emotions in a calm environment can offer clarity and peace amidst the turmoil.

Seeking Professional Help

If your emotions feel overwhelming or if you’re struggling to cope, seeking support from a mental health professional can be incredibly beneficial. Therapists can provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings and help you develop coping strategies tailored to your situation.

Remembering and Honouring Yourself

As you navigate this grief, it’s crucial to remember that your feelings matter. It’s okay to acknowledge the pain caused by the person who died while also allowing yourself to feel relief or any other emotions that arise. This can be a time for you to focus on healing and taking control of your story.

Grieving the death of someone who caused physical or psychological pain can be a complicated journey, especially during the holiday season. It’s important to recognize that your feelings are valid and that you don’t have to follow anyone else’s expectations of how to grieve. By talking about your emotions, journaling, engaging in self-care, and seeking professional support if needed, you can navigate this challenging time in a way that honors your experience.

Remember, you are not alone in this process. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, and take the time to care for yourself as you navigate this complex grief. The path to healing can be winding, but it’s entirely yours to walk.

If you or someone you know would like to meet other youth who are grieving the death of someone in their lives, refer them to the Grief Island on Upopolis – a safe, secure online community for youth aged 13-23 to connect with others who are experiencing the same. Visit https://www.upopolis.com/professional/#refer-youth to refer a youth today!

As summer fades and the holidays come and go, it’s easy to find ourselves caught in a loop of “once this is over, then I’ll…” thoughts. “Once summer is over, I’ll slow down.” “Once winter break hits, I’ll enjoy life more.” But before we know it, those “once” moments can stretch into years!

Have you ever found yourself in the same boat? If so, let’s explore some ways to break this cycle and truly be present in our lives, starting today.

1. Wake Up Early

Waking up a little earlier than everyone else allows you do to something you want to do, like enjoy a cup of coffee (or your favorite drink), check emails, or just reflect on what you want to accomplish for the day. This simple change can make you feel more centered and prepared to tackle whatever comes you way.

Tip: Set your alarm just 15-30 minutes earlier and make it a peaceful morning ritual. Use this time to journal, meditate, or just enjoy the stillness.

2. Practice the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise

Ever have those days where everything feels like a blur? You blink, and suddenly the day is gone! To combat this, try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise. It’s a helpful way to reconnect with the present.

Here’s how it works:

• 5 things you can see: Look around and notice your environment.
• 4 things you can hear: Tune into the sounds around you, whether it’s music, chatter, or nature.
• 3 things you can smell: Take a moment to inhale and identify scents.
• 2 things you can touch: Focus on what’s in touching your skin – like your chair or your phone.
• 1 thing you can taste: Pop something in your mouth or just pay attention to the taste lingering in your mouth.

Tip: Whenever you feel overwhelmed or disconnected, take a few minutes to do this exercise. It’s a great way to center yourself!

3. Limit Screen Time

Let’s be real: screens can easily distract us from the world around us. While technology is great, too much can lead to zoning out and missing out on real-life experiences. Set limits on your social media and phone usage, especially during the times you want to connect with friends and family.

Tip: Try a “tech-free hour” each day where you engage in activities like reading, playing games, or just hanging out with people face-to-face.

4. Engage in Mindful Activities

Finding activities that encourage mindfulness can significantly enhance your ability to stay present. Whether it’s art, sports, or simply going for a walk, engaging fully in what you love can help ground you in the moment.

Tip: Choose one activity that you enjoy and dedicate some time each week to it without distractions.

5. Reflect on Your Day

At the end of each day, take a few moments to reflect on what happened. What were the highlights? What did you learn? This practice not only helps you appreciate your experiences but also keeps you connected to your emotions and thoughts.

Tip: Keep a journal where you jot down your reflections or even a simple list of what you’re grateful for.

Final Thoughts

Life is happening right now, and it’s easy to miss out when we’re always waiting for the next big thing. By implementing these tips, we can start to break free from that cycle of “once” and fully embrace each moment.

When a parent or caregiver gets sick, it affects the whole family, and young people often feel it the most. Youth may feel many different emotions, from sadness, to anger, to guilt, and even continued happiness; they might feel a shift in their family dynamics, and may find themselves having trouble concentrating on school or hobbies. By understanding what youth experience when a parent or caregiver is unwell, families, teachers, and communities can better support them.

Youth may typically experience the below when navigating the illness of a parent or caregiver:

Stress and Anxiety

When a parent is ill, youth often feel a mix of emotions like fear, sadness, anger, and guilt. They may also continue to feel joy and happiness despite this difficult time, which is not unusual. It’s normal when watching a parent or caregiver struggle to worry about what might happen in the future or to feel overwhelmed. This emotional strain can show up in mood swings, pulling away from friends, or changes in behavior. Youth may feel helpless, which can lead to more anxiety or sadness. Concerns about their family member’s health, family finances, or the future can weigh heavily on their mind.

Increased Responsibilities

When a parent or caregiver is sick, family roles may shift, and youth might find themselves having to take on new responsibilities. This could include looking after younger siblings, doing more chores, or even helping care for their sick parent or caregiver. For young adults already facing the challenges of growing up, this can feel especially tough. Some youth might handle these added duties well, but it can also lead to feeling burnt out, frustrated, or resentful while they’re needing to balance these responsibilities with school, activities, and friendships.

Academic Challenges

The stress and responsibilities at home can affect schoolwork. It’s common for grades to drop or for youth to lose interest in school. Youth may also find it hard to focus or miss classes because of their situation.

Social Isolation

Having a sick parent or caregiver can cause feelings of isolation, as youth may have a hard time connecting with friends or classmates who aren’t experiencing the same as they are. Youth may hesitate to talk about their situation for fear of being misunderstood. This isolation is especially hard as they may sometimes feel the need to skip out on social activities with their friends to support their sick parent or caregiver.

When a parent or caregiver is ill, it’s important for adults to provide support for young adults navigating their complex emotions and situations. Here are some ways adults can help:

1. Open Communication

• Encourage youth to express their feelings openly. Create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their fears, sadness, or any joy they might still experience.
• Listen actively without judgment, allowing them to vent or share their thoughts.

2. Validate Their Emotions

• Acknowledge that their feelings – whether it’s sadness, anger, or even moments of happiness – are normal and valid. Let them know it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions during tough times.

3. Offer Reassurance

• Remind them that it’s okay to feel helpless sometimes and that they are not alone. Let them know you’re there to support them through the challenges.

4. Provide Practical Support

• Help them manage responsibilities at home and at school. This might include assisting with chores, coordinating schedules, or offering to help with homework.

5. Encourage Social Connections

• Help them maintain friendships and social activities. Encourage them to spend time with friends, as these connections can provide a valuable support system.

6. Promote Healthy Coping Strategies

• Suggest activities that can help them cope with stress, such as exercise, art, or journaling. Encourage them to explore hobbies or interests that bring them joy.

7. Seek Professional Help

• If their emotions become overwhelming, encourage them to talk to a counselor or therapist. Professional support can provide tools for coping with their feelings.
• Peer support groups can be great resources for teens; they have the chance to meet others who are navigating the same experiences, relieving some feelings of isolation, learning coping strategies that have worked for others, and encouraging peer connection.

8. Be Patient and Understanding

• Recognize that mood swings or changes in behavior are part of the process. Offer support without pressure, and let them know you’re there whenever they need to talk or need help.

9. Model Self-Care

• Show the importance of self-care by practicing it yourself. Demonstrate healthy ways to manage stress and emotions, which can encourage teens to adopt similar habits.

10. Check-In Regularly

• Regularly check in with them about how they’re feeling and coping. Simple questions can show that you care and are there to support them.

By providing understanding and practical support, adults can help teens navigate the emotional challenges that come with a parent or caregiver’s illness, allowing them to feel less isolated and more empowered.

If you know a youth aged 13-23 who has a sick parent or caregiver, refer them to our online social community – Youth of Adult Patients (YAP) Island. It’s a space for them to connect with others who are navigating the same experience, and is completing monitored by child life specialists. Visit upopolis.com to refer them today!

The start of a new school year can evoke a wave of emotions for children and teens. While some experience the excitement of a new year looking forward to reuniting with friends and teachers, others may feel anxious and unsettled
about the many unknowns of what’s to come. These feelings are all normal and reflect the significant transition each new school year brings. Understanding and addressing these feelings can help create a smoother transition back to the
classroom.

The return to the classroom can feel unsettling for a number of reasons. There are changes in routines, new teachers, new classmates, social pressures of fitting in and stress of school work that can feel overwhelming for many. It’s
important to remember that you’re not alone in feeling anxious about returning to school; many kids and teens share similar concerns and fears.

Here are 5 tips to help support school age child(ren):

1. Start adjusting bedtime and wake-up times a couple of weeks before school starts. Create a consistent morning routine, to help your child know what to expect each day.
2. If possible, visit the school beforehand to familiarize your child with the school environment. Connect with their homeroom teacher, request a meet and greet before the first day.
3. Have open discussions about their fears or concerns about their first day. Validate their emotions and let them know that these feelings are perfectly normal and that they’re not alone.
4. Prepare for the first day together. Involve your child in picking out their outfits and school supplies.
5. Teach your child about calming activities. Create a calm-down kit with items that help soothe them, like a favorite book or toy.

Here are 5 tips to navigate those back to school nerves (for teens):

1. Talk it out. Share your feelings with a friend, family member or safe person.
2. Identify school resources like counselors or clubs that can provide additional support.
3. Practice self care. Get enough sleep, eat healthy, and engage in some form of regular physical activity leading up to, and during, school.
4. Limit screen time! Set boundaries for social media use, especially before bedtime.
5. Practice stress management techniques such as mindfulness, deep breathing, or journaling and utilize positive self- talk.

If you’re feeling anxious about returning to school, remember it is completely normal and those feelings are shared by many students. Finding support in a community and connecting with others navigating similar experiences can also be extremely helpful.

If you have any tips or strategies you find helpful, share them with our Upopolis community by visiting our social pages on Instagram (@upopolis) or Facebook (@upopolis) and sending us a message!

Summer vacation is supposed to be a time of fun, sun, and freedom! However, if you’re dealing with grief, it can feel like your sadness is increased during a time that should be so carefree. Whether you’ve lost a loved one, a pet, or are experiencing another form of loss (ie. moving, parental divorce etc), it’s important to remember that it’s okay to grieve, even when the world around you seems bright.

Here are a few tips to help you cope with grief during the summer months:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s normal to feel a range of emotions when you’re grieving – sadness, anger, confusion, and even guilt. Allow yourself to experience these feelings without judgment. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or adult can also provide an outlet for expressing what you’re going through.

2. Find Comfort in Routine: While summer often disrupts your usual schedule, maintaining some sense of routine can be comforting. Whether it’s sticking to a morning run, reading before bed, or spending time on a hobby you enjoy, having predictable activities can offer stability during a time that feels really stormy.

3. Get Outside: Summer offers the perfect opportunity to connect with nature, which can be incredibly soothing! Take walks in a nearby park, go for a swim at the beach, or simply sit outside and listen to the sounds of outside – birds chirping, waves crashing, or kids playing. Being in natural surroundings can provide a sense of peace.

4. Honor Your Loved One: Find ways to remember and honor the person, pet or thing you’ve lost. This might involve creating a memory book, planting a tree or garden in their honor, or participating in activities they loved. Celebrating their life can be a positive way to keep their memory alive.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Have Fun: It’s okay to enjoy yourself, even while grieving. Laughter and joy are not disrespectful to your feelings, although it sometimes may feel like it. Allow yourself to participate in summer activities that bring you happiness, whether it’s hanging out with friends, trying a new hobby, or going on an adventure.

6. Be Patient with Yourself: Healing takes time, and everyone grieves differently. Some days may be harder than others, and that’s okay. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you navigate through this process. It’s okay to take breaks when you need them and to ask for support when it feels overwhelming.

Remember, grief is a natural response to loss, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience it. By allowing yourself to feel your emotions, maintaining routines, connecting with nature, honoring your loved one, enjoying summer activities, and being kind to yourself, you can navigate grief during summer vacation with resilience and grace. You’re never alone in this journey!

If you’d like to meet other youth who are navigating grief, join our Grief Island. Send an e-mail to support@upopolis.com with the subject line “I want to join the Grief Island!” and we will help get you signed up.

Change is in the air here at Upopolis! We’re thrilled to unveil our refreshed brand identity, marking a new chapter in our 17 year journey.

A brand refresh isn’t just about updating visuals; it’s a bold statement of where we’ve been, and where we’re going. Ultimately, it’s our commitment to staying relevant with the teens and young adults who use our website, and the professionals who refer them to us. Our new logo is a representation of our dedication to connection. The three dots symbolize individuals coming together through our Islands and the larger Upopolis community.

Why the change? As we grow and adapt to new challenges and opportunities, we recognize the importance of aligning our brand with our vision for the future. This brand refresh is a reminder that Upopolis is a trusted and empowering online community for youth facing stressful life events, including grief and medical challenges. Upopolis is a safe space for connection, support and empowerment, with the goal of reducing social isolation and fostering resilience.

What can you expect? Beyond a fresh look, we are shifting our target audience to youth aged 13 to 23 across North America. We will continue to raise awareness about our free-of-charge programming to patients, parents, siblings and health professionals in this catchment area. Look out for our updated website which will be more user-friendly, resource-heavy, and an easy place to guide patients, parents and health professionals to find out more about Upopolis. Website updates will be announced in the coming months!

Thank you for being part of our story. We invite you to explore our new look, connect with us, and join us on this exciting journey forward. Together, let’s embrace change and write the next chapter of success for Uopolis!

Here’s to new beginnings and endless possibilities!

Jenna is a long-time member of Upopolis and a regular contributor to our blog post series. We appreciate and value everything she teaches us about being a young adult living with a chronic illness.

Today, she shares 5 things she wish others knew about living with a chronic illness. This is so insightful to those of us who don’t have a medical illness, as well as incredibly validating for those who do. Check out what she has to say:

1. The invisibility of an illness does not diminish its existence or impact. Invisible illnesses, often overlooked due to their lack of visible symptoms, can be just as debilitating as those with outward signs. Individuals including myself facing these conditions may struggle with daily challenges that go unnoticed, emphasizing the importance of empathy and understanding. Acknowledging the presence of invisible illnesses promotes a more compassionate and supportive approach to those dealing with such health issues.

2. The visibility or recognition of an illness does not determine its validity, and this holds true for individuals often referred to as “spoonies” who contend with chronic and invisible health conditions. Whether an illness is widely understood or remains unknown, the experiences and challenges faced by those dealing with chronic health issues are valid and significant. The term “spoonie” is often used to describe people managing conditions like fibromyalgia, lupus, or chronic fatigue syndrome, emphasizing the daily allocation of limited energy “spoons.” Recognizing and respecting the validity of these experiences promotes empathy and a more inclusive understanding of diverse health struggles.

3. When chronic illness warriors find themselves needing to cancel plans, it’s not an expression of dislike or a desire for isolation. Rather, it reflects the unpredictable nature of their health challenges. It’s crucial for friends and loved ones to continue extending invitations, engaging through FaceTime, and making efforts to foster a sense of inclusion. Chronic illness warriors appreciate gestures that make them feel loved and understood, such as learning their unique love languages. In doing so, relationships can thrive despite the challenges posed by chronic health conditions, reinforcing the importance of compassion and ongoing support.

4. Experiencing occasional colds or minor illnesses may provide insight into temporary discomfort, but it doesn’t equate to a full understanding of the complex and enduring challenges that come with chronic illnesses. Chronic conditions often involve persistent symptoms, fluctuating health, and long-term impacts on daily life. It’s essential to recognize the distinction between short-term ailments and the ongoing struggles faced by those with chronic health issues. Empathy and genuine understanding can only be cultivated through acknowledging the unique and sometimes invisible aspects of chronic illness experiences.

5. Choosing not to drink alcohol, whether due to health reasons or personal preferences, doesn’t diminish one’s coolness or ability to enjoy social gatherings. The decision to abstain from alcohol is a valid choice that deserves respect and understanding. Many still find joy in partying and dancing without the need for alcoholic beverages, embracing alternatives like delicious mocktails. Creating an inclusive environment where individuals feel validated in their sobriety fosters a more considerate and accepting social atmosphere, acknowledging the diversity of preferences and lifestyles.

Thank you to Jenna, and all our Upopolis members, who teach us something new every day!

Journaling is often suggested as a way to cope with challenging life events, such as illness or grief. It offers many benefits for our mental, emotional and even physical well-being.

1. Emotional expression: Documenting our thoughts and feelings is a healthy way to express emotions and reduce stress.
2. Self-reflection: Journaling allows us to gain insight into our own thoughts and behaviours. When we reflect on our own experiences, we can better understand our responses to situations.
3. Problem solving: Writing about our challenges or problems can help us brainstorm solutions and consider different perspectives.
4. Gratitude: Identifying things we are grateful for can promote a positive outlook and feelings of happiness.
5. Improved self-esteem: Taking the time to recognize our own accomplishments, strengths and positive experiences can boost self-confidence and self-esteem, since a journal is a tangible reminder of our achievements.

Over the past few months, the Upopolis Instagram page (@upopolis) has been sharing journal prompts for youth who are experiencing challenging life events, including youth with a medical illness, and youth with a parent or caregiver with a medical illness.

Today, we are sharing these journal prompts all in one place for easy access and BONUS, we have added journal prompts for youth who are grieving, and youth who have a brother or sister with a medical illness.

Check out the full list below, and be sure to save this article!

Journal Prompts for Youth with a Medical Illness

• Some coping strategies I can use during painful days or flare ups…
• Something that my medical illness has prevented me from doing is… Some ways I can try to make this happen are…
• Here are some goals I have despite my illness…
• How has this illness helped me become resilient?
• A time I felt proud of myself was when…
• Things in my life I can control…

Journal Prompts for Youth with a Parent/Caregiver with a Medical Illness

• Some coping strategies I can use during sad/frustrating days…
• If I could tell me parent/caregiver anything, I would tell them…
• What can I do to give myself more “me” time?
• How has this experience helped me become resilient?
• 5 good things about today…
• Things in my life I can control…

Journal Prompts for Youth who are Grieving

• A list of people I can go to for support, either in person or virtually…
• A memory of my person who has died that makes me cry is…
• A memory of my person who has died that makes me laugh…
• If you could tell the person who died about your day, what would you tell them?
• In my body, I feel grief… (where?) How does it make me feel?

Journal Prompts for Youth who have a Brother/Sister with a Medical Illness

• Today, I’m having a hard time with…
• Something I wish my support system could understand or help with is… Ways I could tell them about this are…
• Am I respecting my boundaries? Everything I want to say yes to is… and everything I want to say no to is…
• Sometimes I can’t control my sibling’s illness. However, some things I can control in my life are…
• What does a good day look like? What does a bad day look like? How can I add more good-day elements into my bad days?

Be sure to follow @upopolis on Instagram to get more coping tips and strategies like these journal prompts!