Author: Upopolis Team

As winter turns into spring, we start to see signs of new life. Snow melts, flowers begin to bloom, and the days get longer and brighter. This change in the seasons can also remind us of the changes we go through when we are grieving.

Losing someone you care about is one of the hardest things anyone can face. Grief is the deep sadness we feel when someone we love dies. It can come with many emotions—like anger, confusion, fear, or even feeling nothing at all. There is no “right way” to grieve, and there’s no timeline for when you should feel better. Everyone’s journey is different.

Spring can be a symbol of hope. It doesn’t mean forgetting the person you lost. It means finding ways to keep going and grow while still remembering them. Like nature, we can change and grow after loss, even if it takes time.

Here are a few ways to help you cope with grief and begin healing:

---

1. Let Yourself Feel

Sometimes people think they have to be strong and hide their emotions. But it’s okay to cry, feel upset, or even feel numb. Your feelings are valid. Grief doesn’t go away overnight, and you don’t have to pretend everything is okay. Let yourself feel what you feel without judgment.

---

2. Express Yourself

It can be hard to talk about grief. You might not know what to say, or you might feel like others don’t understand. Try writing in a journal, drawing, painting, or even playing music. Creative activities can help you release emotions in a healthy way. Over time, you may be able to look back and see how your feelings have changed.

Tip: Try using a grief journal like Wanderings: A Wayfinders Grief Notebook to guide your thoughts and feelings.

---

3. Talk to People Who Get It

Sometimes it helps to talk to people who are also grieving. Support groups—whether in person or online—can help you feel less alone. You can also talk to a trusted adult, teacher, or counselor. Sharing your story and hearing others can bring comfort and new ideas for healing.

---

4. Try Mindfulness or Breathing Exercises

Grief can feel heavy and stressful. When things feel overwhelming, try to pause and take slow, deep breaths. Focusing on your breathing can help calm your body and mind. Even just five minutes a day of quiet breathing or stretching can make a difference.

---

5. Take Care of Your Body

Grief can make your body feel tired and worn out. It’s important to care for yourself by eating good food, getting enough sleep, and moving your body. A short walk, a nap, or even just drinking water can help you feel a little better, one small step at a time.

---

Spring reminds us that change can bring new growth. It doesn’t mean your grief disappears, but it means healing is possible. Just like flowers bloom again after winter, you can find your way forward—even if it takes time. Be patient and gentle with yourself. You’re not alone.

Having a sibling with medical challenges can feel tough sometimes. You may feel uncertain, sad, or even helpless at times. It’s normal to feel a mix of emotions, but it’s important to know you’re not alone. Many kids with a sibling who is ill feel isolated or overwhelmed at times. However, there are ways to cope and get support.

Some tips that can help include:

Understanding and Preparation
One way to feel better is to learn about your sibling’s illness. Ask a parent, caregiver, or trusted adult to explain it in a way you can understand. When you know what’s happening, you might feel less worried and more ready for what’s coming next. Understanding what your sibling needs can also help you support them better.

Stay Connected and Included
When everything seems to focus on your sibling’s illness, you might feel left out. But remember, you are important too! Spend time doing things you enjoy with your friends or other family members is important.

Predictability and Routine
Having a routine can help bring comfort during uncertain times. While things may change because of medical appointments or treatments, try to keep parts of your day the same, like regular meals, extra-curricular activities or your bedtime routine. Knowing what to expect can make things feel less stressful.

Takeaway Tips for Coping:

1. Talk it out  with someone you trust (it can be a loved one, friend, teacher, guidance counsellor).
2. Ask questions to understand your sibling’s illness and to feel more prepared.
3. Stay connected with friends, family, and check out Upopolis to connect with others who have similar experiences.  (Stay tuned for our sibling island Common Grounds coming in April!)
4. Stick to routines to help you feel more settled.

Here at Upopolis, we want to create a safe online space where youth who are siblings can connect with each other, share their feelings, and get advice. It’s a great way to find others who understand what you’re going through.

Stay tuned for April’s Common Grounds where siblings can come together to talk, play games, and learn new ways to cope. It’s a great way to feel supported!

Dear 12 Year-old Lily,

TAKE A DEEP BREATH. I understand that things might feel overwhelming right now, but I want you to know that everything will be okay.

Today is an important day as you pick up your back brace. I can tell you from my own experience—wearing a back brace as a middle schooler and through many activities like summer camps, sleepovers, and vacations—that it will be okay. When you first went to the scoliosis clinic and saw the bulky, plastic brace, it probably made you feel unsure or nervous. Some questions that may have gone through your head like; “How will I play sports? What will my friends think? How will I sleep with the brace on?” It’s natural to have these thoughts, but I’m here to offer four tips that I wish someone had shared with me when I first got my back brace.

1.     Be Kind to Yourself

Your brace and you are about to become very close friends. It may take time to get used to, so it’s important to try to be patient with yourself. Use tools like positive self-talk to help when things feel challenging. One great tool is the STOP breathing technique: Stop, take a breath, Observe how you’re feeling, and then Proceed. This can be really helpful when you feel overwhelmed, like when a classmate asks about your brace, and you’re not sure what to say. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones, like “I can do this” or “I’m doing my best.” And find things that comfort you, like reading or drawing, to help take your mind off any discomfort. Most importantly, remember: your back brace doesn’t stop you from doing the things you enjoy—it might just mean doing them in a new way. Let it be your superpower and keep doing what you love. Always be kind to yourself!

2. Let Others be Curious 

It’s okay for people to be curious. If someone asks questions, or even makes a comment, it’s usually because they don’t understand why you’re wearing the brace. Don’t be afraid to teach them a little about scoliosis and share why the brace is so important for your health. Educating others can help them be more supportive and kind.

3. Embrace Your Strength

Be proud of who you are! I know I was nervous at first, like when I didn’t want to wear a swimsuit in front of others because of my brace. I worried about how my spine curve looked and whether others would notice. But in reality, the only person who focused on these things the most, was me. What others noticed was my confidence and how I carried myself. It’s okay to feel unsure sometimes—those feelings are totally normal. But over time, I learned to see my brace as my armor, and my scoliosis as something that makes me unique. I am empowered by my scoliosis, and you can be too!

4. You’re Not Alone 

It might feel like you’re the only one wearing a back brace, but you are not alone. It’s okay to feel all kinds of emotions, and it’s important to talk about them with the people who care about you. Your family, friends, and loved ones want to support you, but they can’t help if they don’t know what you need. Also, there are many other people who understand exactly what you’re going through. Seek out groups or communities, like the Scoliosis Common Grounds Group, where you can connect with others in similar situations. Knowing others are there to support you can make the journey a little easier.

Looking back at my own experience with a back brace, I now see it as something that helped me grow stronger and become the person I am today. So, 12-year-old Lily, get ready! The next few years are going to be wonderful.

Love,

20-year-old Lily

Our next Scoliosis Common Grounds Programming runs March 2 & 3^rd at 7PM EST. Register here

When a parent or caregiver gets sick, it affects the entire family, and young people often feel it the most. This can be a tough time full of emotional stress, changes in roles, and new family responsibilities. Understanding how a parent’s or caregiver’s illness affects you can help you handle this difficult situation. This blog post will explain some of what you might experience and give you some tips for coping with these changes.

Stress and Anxiety

The first thing young people often experience when a parent gets sick is emotional distress. It’s normal to feel a mix of emotions like fear, sadness, anger, and even guilt. Not knowing what will happen in the future, along with the stress of seeing a parent in pain, can be overwhelming. This emotional strain may show up as mood swings, withdrawing from friends, or changes in behavior.

You may feel helpless watching your parent struggle. It can lead to feelings of anxiety or sadness, and you might worry about your parent’s health, the family’s finances, or what might happen if the illness is serious.

Tip: Focus on what you can control, while allowing yourself to feel your emotions. When everything feels uncertain, it can help to create small, manageable routines for yourself, such as regular check-ins with your parent or taking time for self-care. This could be something as simple as journaling your feelings, doing breathing exercises, or engaging in a calming activity like reading or taking a walk.

Increased Responsibilities

When a parent is sick, the family’s responsibilities may shift, and you might be asked to take on tasks you’re not prepared for. You might end up helping care for younger siblings, doing more chores around the house, or even taking care of your sick parent. This change in roles can be especially difficult for teens, who are already dealing with the challenges of growing up.

While some young people might rise to the occasion, these new duties can also cause burnout, frustration, and even anger. It can be hard to balance these extra responsibilities with schoolwork, hobbies, and keeping up with friends.

Tip: Set realistic expectations for yourself and communicate with others about what you can manage. It’s okay to ask for help or share your feelings with a trusted family member or friend. Try to break tasks into smaller, more manageable steps, and make sure to take breaks to recharge – your well-being is just as important as your responsibilities.

Academic Challenges

The emotional and practical stress of having a sick parent can also affect your school life. It’s common for grades to drop, or for students to lose interest in school. Some might struggle to concentrate or miss school because of the extra responsibilities at home.

It’s important for teachers and counselors to understand these struggles and offer support. Simple things like giving extended deadlines or providing counseling can make a big difference during this tough time.

Tip: Communicate with your teachers or school counselor about what you’re going through. Let them know if you’re struggling to keep up, and ask for extensions or extra help if needed. Most teachers will be understanding and willing to support you, which can relieve some of the pressure during a difficult time.

Social Isolation

Many young people with a sick parent feel isolated from their friends. They may avoid talking about their situation because they’re afraid of being misunderstood or pitied. This can make them feel even more alone, especially if they need to skip social events to take care of family responsibilities.

However, it’s important to keep in touch with friends. Even if you’re not able to hang out as much, they can still be a great support system.

Tip: Be open with a close friend about what you’re going through, even if it’s just a little at a time. You don’t have to go into all the details, but sharing some of your feelings can help you feel more connected. Friends can offer support, and just knowing they’re there can make a big difference, even if you can’t see them as often.

Dealing with a parent’s illness is challenging. But with the right support, it can also be a time of personal growth and strength. By recognizing the challenges and making sure you have emotional, academic, and social support, you can get through this experience and come out stronger.

If you or someone you know would benefit from meeting other youth who have a sick parent or caregiver, refer them to our Youth of Adult Patients (YAP) Island! Visit upopolis.org for more information or e-mail support@upopolis.com. 

It’s December, and the air has filled with holiday lights, festive decorations, and a sense of cheer. However, for many of us, this season can also bring a mix of emotions – especially if we’ve experienced the death of someone we love. It’s a time when the absence of a family member or friend is felt even more, especially amid the celebrations. It’s important to talk about this.

Death and grief are often considered taboo subjects, among young people and adults alike. We might feel pressured to keep our feelings hidden or to “stay positive” during the holidays. Yet, acknowledging our emotions can be a crucial part of healing, especially during a time that focuses on being together and feeling happy.

Why Grief is Normal

Grief isn’t linear; it doesn’t follow a set path or timeline. It can visit us unexpectedly and often resurfaces during big moments – like holidays. When we think about those who have died, it’s completely normal to feel sad, confused, or even angry. Everyone experiences grief differently, and there’s no right or wrong way to navigate it.

Some people may find comfort in thinking about their loved ones, while others might feel overwhelmed by the loss. You might feel a sense of guilt for laughing or enjoying holiday traditions without them, but it’s important to recognize that it’s okay to feel joy and sadness at the same time.

The Holidays: A Time for Reflection

While many holidays focus on celebration, they can also provide an opportunity for reflection. You might consider creating a new tradition in honor of your loved one. This could be lighting a candle in their memory during a family gathering or sharing stories about them during dinner. These small acts can help keep their memory alive and make the holidays feel more inclusive of their presence.

Talking About It

What might feel like a big hurdle in addressing grief is the fear of bringing it up. You might worry about making others uncomfortable or feel like your feelings are a burden to others. However, talking about your loved one can be very healing – not just for you, but for others who might be feeling the same way. If you feel comfortable, share your thoughts with friends or family. They may be experiencing similar emotions but might not know how to express them.

If direct conversations feel too difficult, consider writing a letter to your loved one. This can be a therapeutic way to express your feelings, reflect on your memories, and share what you wish they could see or experience during this time.

Seeking Support

Sometimes, the feelings that come along with grief can feel too heavy to carry alone. If you’re struggling, know that it’s perfectly okay to seek help. Many schools offer counseling services, and there are also community resources and hotlines dedicated to supporting youth through grief. Online peer groups, like Upopolis, can be especially helpful, providing a space where you can connect with others who understand, or can at the very least, relate to what you’re going through.

Remembering and Celebrating Life

As you navigate this holiday season, remember that honoring someone who has died doesn’t mean you have to dwell in sadness. It’s possible to celebrate their life while still acknowledging your grief. You might choose to make a favorite dish they loved, create a photo album, or even volunteer in their memory.

The holidays can be a beautiful time to reflect on the love and memories shared with those who have died, allowing us to carry their memories into our celebrations.

December can be a complex month filled with both joy and sorrow. It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions, and it’s essential to talk about them. By sharing your feelings, creating new traditions, and seeking support, you can find a way to honor your loved ones while still engaging with the spirit of the season. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey, and it’s okay to express what’s in your heart.

As you navigate this holiday season, take time to honor your feelings and find ways to celebrate both life and loss. Whether through reflection, conversation, or remembrance, each step can help you create a meaningful connection to your loved one while embracing the beauty of the holidays.

The holiday season can be a challenging time, especially when you have been faced with the loss of someone who was part of your life but also caused pain or hurt. When someone we know who was abusive, hurtful, distant, or uninvolved dies, the emotions that follow can be incredibly complex. You might feel relief, guilt, sadness, or even confusion, and it’s important to understand that all these feelings are valid.

Acknowledging Complicated Emotions

The death of someone who was physically or psychologically hurtful can create a mix of emotions that may seem at odds with one another. On one hand, you might feel sorrow for their death; on the other, there may be relief or anger about the pain they caused. It’s important to recognize that grieving this type of loss doesn’t follow a set path. It’s okay to feel multiple emotions at once, and it’s essential to allow yourself to process these feelings without judgment.

Understanding Your Grief

1. Mixed Feelings: Understand that grief can include a wide range of emotions. You might feel sadness for the relationship you wished you had, anger for the hurt they caused, or guilt for feeling relieved. These feelings can exist at the same time, and it’s okay to explore them.
2. No Need to Justify: You don’t need to justify your feelings to anyone. Society often expects us to mourn a “loved one” in a specific way, but your experience is unique. It’s perfectly normal to feel conflicted about someone who hurt you or people you care for.

Coping Strategies

1. Talk About It: Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can help you process your emotions. This could be a friend, family member, or counselor. Speaking about your experiences can validate your feelings and help you feel less isolated.
2. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts can be a powerful way to navigate complex emotions. You might write about your memories, your feelings about their passing, and what you wish had been different in your relationship. Journaling provides a safe space to express what you’re going through.
3. Create Boundaries: If you find yourself dealing with family or friends who want to discuss the deceased in a positive light, it’s okay to set boundaries. You have the right to decide how much you want to share about your feelings and experiences. And, it is okay to step away from conversations that you do not want to be included in.

Finding Healthy Outlets

1. Engage in Self-Care: Prioritize your well-being during this time. Whether it’s through exercise, spending time with friends, or indulging in a hobby, find activities that bring you joy and comfort. Self-care is crucial when navigating complex emotions.
2. Artistic Expression: Use art, music, or writing as an outlet for your feelings. Creating something can be therapeutic and can help you express emotions that might be difficult to articulate verbally.
3. Mindfulness and Reflection: Consider mindfulness practices, such as meditation or yoga, to help you stay grounded. Reflecting on your emotions in a calm environment can offer clarity and peace amidst the turmoil.

Seeking Professional Help

If your emotions feel overwhelming or if you’re struggling to cope, seeking support from a mental health professional can be incredibly beneficial. Therapists can provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings and help you develop coping strategies tailored to your situation.

Remembering and Honouring Yourself

As you navigate this grief, it’s crucial to remember that your feelings matter. It’s okay to acknowledge the pain caused by the person who died while also allowing yourself to feel relief or any other emotions that arise. This can be a time for you to focus on healing and taking control of your story.

Grieving the death of someone who caused physical or psychological pain can be a complicated journey, especially during the holiday season. It’s important to recognize that your feelings are valid and that you don’t have to follow anyone else’s expectations of how to grieve. By talking about your emotions, journaling, engaging in self-care, and seeking professional support if needed, you can navigate this challenging time in a way that honors your experience.

Remember, you are not alone in this process. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, and take the time to care for yourself as you navigate this complex grief. The path to healing can be winding, but it’s entirely yours to walk.

If you or someone you know would like to meet other youth who are grieving the death of someone in their lives, refer them to the Grief Island on Upopolis – a safe, secure online community for youth aged 13-23 to connect with others who are experiencing the same. Visit https://www.upopolis.com/professional/#refer-youth to refer a youth today!

As summer fades and the holidays come and go, it’s easy to find ourselves caught in a loop of “once this is over, then I’ll…” thoughts. “Once summer is over, I’ll slow down.” “Once winter break hits, I’ll enjoy life more.” But before we know it, those “once” moments can stretch into years!

Have you ever found yourself in the same boat? If so, let’s explore some ways to break this cycle and truly be present in our lives, starting today.

1. Wake Up Early

Waking up a little earlier than everyone else allows you do to something you want to do, like enjoy a cup of coffee (or your favorite drink), check emails, or just reflect on what you want to accomplish for the day. This simple change can make you feel more centered and prepared to tackle whatever comes you way.

Tip: Set your alarm just 15-30 minutes earlier and make it a peaceful morning ritual. Use this time to journal, meditate, or just enjoy the stillness.

2. Practice the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise

Ever have those days where everything feels like a blur? You blink, and suddenly the day is gone! To combat this, try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise. It’s a helpful way to reconnect with the present.

Here’s how it works:

• 5 things you can see: Look around and notice your environment.
• 4 things you can hear: Tune into the sounds around you, whether it’s music, chatter, or nature.
• 3 things you can smell: Take a moment to inhale and identify scents.
• 2 things you can touch: Focus on what’s in touching your skin – like your chair or your phone.
• 1 thing you can taste: Pop something in your mouth or just pay attention to the taste lingering in your mouth.

Tip: Whenever you feel overwhelmed or disconnected, take a few minutes to do this exercise. It’s a great way to center yourself!

3. Limit Screen Time

Let’s be real: screens can easily distract us from the world around us. While technology is great, too much can lead to zoning out and missing out on real-life experiences. Set limits on your social media and phone usage, especially during the times you want to connect with friends and family.

Tip: Try a “tech-free hour” each day where you engage in activities like reading, playing games, or just hanging out with people face-to-face.

4. Engage in Mindful Activities

Finding activities that encourage mindfulness can significantly enhance your ability to stay present. Whether it’s art, sports, or simply going for a walk, engaging fully in what you love can help ground you in the moment.

Tip: Choose one activity that you enjoy and dedicate some time each week to it without distractions.

5. Reflect on Your Day

At the end of each day, take a few moments to reflect on what happened. What were the highlights? What did you learn? This practice not only helps you appreciate your experiences but also keeps you connected to your emotions and thoughts.

Tip: Keep a journal where you jot down your reflections or even a simple list of what you’re grateful for.

Final Thoughts

Life is happening right now, and it’s easy to miss out when we’re always waiting for the next big thing. By implementing these tips, we can start to break free from that cycle of “once” and fully embrace each moment.

When a parent or caregiver gets sick, it affects the whole family, and young people often feel it the most. Youth may feel many different emotions, from sadness, to anger, to guilt, and even continued happiness; they might feel a shift in their family dynamics, and may find themselves having trouble concentrating on school or hobbies. By understanding what youth experience when a parent or caregiver is unwell, families, teachers, and communities can better support them.

Youth may typically experience the below when navigating the illness of a parent or caregiver:

Stress and Anxiety

When a parent is ill, youth often feel a mix of emotions like fear, sadness, anger, and guilt. They may also continue to feel joy and happiness despite this difficult time, which is not unusual. It’s normal when watching a parent or caregiver struggle to worry about what might happen in the future or to feel overwhelmed. This emotional strain can show up in mood swings, pulling away from friends, or changes in behavior. Youth may feel helpless, which can lead to more anxiety or sadness. Concerns about their family member’s health, family finances, or the future can weigh heavily on their mind.

Increased Responsibilities

When a parent or caregiver is sick, family roles may shift, and youth might find themselves having to take on new responsibilities. This could include looking after younger siblings, doing more chores, or even helping care for their sick parent or caregiver. For young adults already facing the challenges of growing up, this can feel especially tough. Some youth might handle these added duties well, but it can also lead to feeling burnt out, frustrated, or resentful while they’re needing to balance these responsibilities with school, activities, and friendships.

Academic Challenges

The stress and responsibilities at home can affect schoolwork. It’s common for grades to drop or for youth to lose interest in school. Youth may also find it hard to focus or miss classes because of their situation.

Social Isolation

Having a sick parent or caregiver can cause feelings of isolation, as youth may have a hard time connecting with friends or classmates who aren’t experiencing the same as they are. Youth may hesitate to talk about their situation for fear of being misunderstood. This isolation is especially hard as they may sometimes feel the need to skip out on social activities with their friends to support their sick parent or caregiver.

When a parent or caregiver is ill, it’s important for adults to provide support for young adults navigating their complex emotions and situations. Here are some ways adults can help:

1. Open Communication

• Encourage youth to express their feelings openly. Create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their fears, sadness, or any joy they might still experience.
• Listen actively without judgment, allowing them to vent or share their thoughts.

2. Validate Their Emotions

• Acknowledge that their feelings – whether it’s sadness, anger, or even moments of happiness – are normal and valid. Let them know it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions during tough times.

3. Offer Reassurance

• Remind them that it’s okay to feel helpless sometimes and that they are not alone. Let them know you’re there to support them through the challenges.

4. Provide Practical Support

• Help them manage responsibilities at home and at school. This might include assisting with chores, coordinating schedules, or offering to help with homework.

5. Encourage Social Connections

• Help them maintain friendships and social activities. Encourage them to spend time with friends, as these connections can provide a valuable support system.

6. Promote Healthy Coping Strategies

• Suggest activities that can help them cope with stress, such as exercise, art, or journaling. Encourage them to explore hobbies or interests that bring them joy.

7. Seek Professional Help

• If their emotions become overwhelming, encourage them to talk to a counselor or therapist. Professional support can provide tools for coping with their feelings.
• Peer support groups can be great resources for teens; they have the chance to meet others who are navigating the same experiences, relieving some feelings of isolation, learning coping strategies that have worked for others, and encouraging peer connection.

8. Be Patient and Understanding

• Recognize that mood swings or changes in behavior are part of the process. Offer support without pressure, and let them know you’re there whenever they need to talk or need help.

9. Model Self-Care

• Show the importance of self-care by practicing it yourself. Demonstrate healthy ways to manage stress and emotions, which can encourage teens to adopt similar habits.

10. Check-In Regularly

• Regularly check in with them about how they’re feeling and coping. Simple questions can show that you care and are there to support them.

By providing understanding and practical support, adults can help teens navigate the emotional challenges that come with a parent or caregiver’s illness, allowing them to feel less isolated and more empowered.

If you know a youth aged 13-23 who has a sick parent or caregiver, refer them to our online social community – Youth of Adult Patients (YAP) Island. It’s a space for them to connect with others who are navigating the same experience, and is completing monitored by child life specialists. Visit upopolis.com to refer them today!