5 Tips for Supporting Children and Youth who have a Parent or Caregiver with a Serious Medical Illness

With so much attention given to a person who is sick or hospitalized, it’s not unusual for families to forget about the children or youth in their lives who may also be affected by this illness. For these children and youth though, feeling “forgotten” can be extremely difficult as they are faced with feelings of loneliness, confusion, anger, sadness and many others, often feeling like they have no one to turn to for support.

Last month we introduced to you our new Island for Youth of Adult Patients; an online platform for youth aged 10-18 to connect with others who are going through the same experience, wherever they may be in the globe and at whatever hour they choose to log on. 

While providing youth with options to meet others who are navigating the same journey as them is arguably one of the most important ways to encourage positive coping, there are things you can do as an adult in their lives to continue to help support them outside of our online platform. 

Read on for 5 tips for supporting children and youth who have a parent or caregiver with a serious medical illness:

  1. Acknowledge their feelings. Whether that’s happy, angry, sad, scared, or frustrated. However, it’s important to remember that everyone expresses their emotions differently; accept the way this child or youth is expressing theirs. 
  2. Focus on quality time together over quantity. What this child or youth needs right now is a support person they feel they can open up to, which is largely affected by the time you spend with them. Try to be fully present during your time with them so you can focus on the conversation, and most importantly their thoughts and feelings.
  3. Keep routines as consistent as possible. Be sure to prepare them for any changes in their day or week; continue with daily routines including going to school, doing homework, and any daily family traditions like reading before bed, and ensure they get to bed at their usual bedtime. 
  4. Be honest. Most of the time, children and youth can sense when something is not right or out of the norm. Keeping anything a secret gives them the opportunity to come up with their own scenarios, which tend to be far worse than reality. Be open and honest about their caregiver’s health, especially if they ask questions.
  5. Consider ways to help them stay connected with their caregiver. This could mean offering to take them for visits to the hospital, writing cards or drawing pictures for their caregiver, or having video calls or quality time alone together. 

Last but not least, it’s important to rely on any adults who have a trusting relationship with the child or youth; they will be able to help watch out for any unusual behaviours, and provide them with extra support and attention that they’re currently missing. 

If you know a youth aged 10-18 years who has a parent or caregiver with a serious medical illness, refer them to Upopolis today! E-mail support@upopolis.com for more information. 

Upopolis YAP Island: A space for youth of adult patients: Part 1

Have U heard? We have a new Island!

In 2020, we expanded Upopolis to include Islands – a place where youth navigating stressful life events can connect in private groups with other youth who are going through the same experiences, like grief and sibling illness. This year, the expansion continued to include a space for youth who have a medically ill parent or caregiver. We’re so excited to be able to support youth ANYWHERE in the world with another Island!

Upopolis YAP (Youth of Adult Patients) Island is an online private group within the Upopolis platform for youth aged 10 – 18 who have a parent or caregiver who is living, or has recently been diagnosed with, a serious medical illness. Statistics show that 31% of women and 20% of males diagnosed with cancer are a parent or caregiver of a Canadian youth – and this is only one of the dozens of serious illnesses that adults endure. The Upopolis YAP Island can function as an accessible form of moderated support for youth who would benefit from a) connecting with peers experiencing a similar situation and b) accessing resources and psychosocial support from Certified Child Life Specialists.

Upopolis YAP Island provides:

  • A sense of belonging to a safe, secure, private online community so youth can connect with other youth and professionals while navigating their caregiver’s illness
  • Age-appropriate information designed to help youth understand their caregiver’s diagnosis
  • Affirmation via shared experiences with peers
  • Easily accessible content that offers tips, activities, and resources to help youth cope with the feelings and experiences associated with having a sick caregiver

What are the benefits of YAP Island?

  • Monitored daily by a Certified Child Life Specialist, a professional with experience and education in supporting youth who are coping with serious situations, and the effects of this on the family
  • Fully accessible on any device with internet or data access
  • Provides an opportunity to directly connect with others who are experiencing a caregiver who is sick; sharing experiences helps youth process their feelings and provides them with a sense of control as they support others
  • Opportunity to ask a child life specialist questions related to their experience
  • Access to programming and group workshops

Next month, keep a watch out for Part 2 of our YAP Island blog series – we’ll be giving you 5 tips for how to support children and youth who have a parent or caregiver with a serious medical illness.

If you know a youth who would benefit from meeting other youth who are going through this same experience, refer them to YAP Island TODAY by visiting this link!

How to Give and Receive Compliments: Part 2

Complimenting someone seems like such a simple and easy thing to do. What’s surprising is the effect it has not only on the person receiving the compliment, but also the person giving it. Who knew feeling good could be so easy?!

Research shows that everyone from giving and receiving compliments because they contribute to your overall well-being. Compliments help to build relationships with one another, encourage motivation, improve communication and boost self-esteem and self-confidence. 

It’s also been said that the need to be seen, recognized and appreciated by others is critical to a positive well-being, which makes the act of complimenting that much more important! 

Did you know there are 4 types of compliments that you can give or receive?  

  • How people look:               “I really love your new hair cut” 
  • Things people have:          “Wow… that’s a cool new iPhone.” 
  • Things people do:              “You are such a great hockey player.” 
  • Ways people behave:        “You are such a good friend to me…” 

Now that we have the “giving” part down, lets focus on receiving compliments. Are we the only ones who find accepting compliments a little… awkward? If you do too, you’ve come to the right place! It’s not uncommon for people to feel awkward about what to say back to a compliment. Why does it seem so hard just to say “thank you”?!

Here are some tips to help you accept this form of praise well:

  • You guessed it… just say “thank you!” – these are two powerful words! 
  • Be aware of your body language – smile and show your appreciation 
  • Be humble 
  • Be genuine and not fake 
  • Repay with a compliment to them 
  • Match their level of enthusiasm 
  • Don’t attack or undermine the compliment

Self-esteem is vital to our well-being. With part 1 and part 2 of our self-esteem blog series, we’re sure you’re on the right track to improving your own! 

Other Upopolis blogs on this subject include:

How to Build Confidence in Teen (October 26, 2022). How to: Build Confidence in Teens – Upopolis

A Prescription for Self-Love (February 7, 2022). A Prescription for Self-Love – Upopolis

Written by Sophie, a post-graduate student from University of Guelph-Humber.

With references from Boothby’s “A Simple compliment can make a big difference”, Case Western Reserve University “5 Reasons why you should give compliments”, Penn State College “The power of compliments” and Kumar’s “10 tips of self-esteem to boost yourself easily”.

All About Self-Esteem (and how to have more of it!): Part 1

Imagine this: your friend compliments you about your new outfit. You felt so good, and flattered! However, you found that feeling starting to disappear when you realized you were unsure how to respond.

A few replies swirl around in your head….

Did you know, the type of response you give to your friend is related to your self-esteem? Self-esteem is your opinion of yourself – your qualities and characteristics.

A person’s self-esteem is described as “high” or “low” and can be a range in between. There is no “right or wrong” amount of self-esteem. However, higher levels tend to improve mental health, and lower levels can lead to mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety.

Using the above example, someone with high self-esteem would likely say “thank you so much” after receiving a compliment from their friend. People with high self-esteem often feel good about themselves. They have a positive outlook, feel happy, understand their strengths, and don’t rely on the approval of others to feel good.

However, someone with low self-esteem may shrug off the compliment and focus on what they think are the negatives instead of the positives. They might answer with something like, “oh, I hate how these jeans look on me!” People with low self-esteem may not have confidence. They may focus on negative qualities about themselves, feel they are not good enough, and often rely on the approval of others as a way to feel good about themselves.

Self-esteem is always with us. It’s that little voice in the back of our head, sometimes giving us “good thoughts” about ourselves and sometimes “bad thoughts” about ourselves. This is why self-esteem is an important part of our overall health and well-being.

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Are you experiencing any of these? Do you…..

• Have an inner voice of self-talk that is negative?
• Find it difficult to accept or respond to compliments from other people?
• Find it difficult to accept or respond to constructive criticism or feedback?
• Have unhealthy coping methods such as overeating, drinking, or smoking?
• Avoid social gatherings or situations?
• Avoid challenges or difficult situations?
• Focus on what is unwanted more than what is wanted?
• Hesitate to try new things?
• Have a low level of confidence
• Find you are super sensitive?
• Focus intensely on personal problems?

Tips to Increase Your Self-Esteem

Self-esteem influences so many things, such as how we act, who we spend time with, whether we will try new things, and how hard we may try at work or in school.

Try these tips to boost your self-esteem and help you feel better about yourself:

Focus on Effort and Accomplishment: Make a list of all the things you are good at. Give yourself credit for your strengths and talents.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others: It’s easy to do. However, it’s a fast way to lower your self-esteem. Be proud of what makes you the unique person you are.

Do What You Love: Are you most happy reading a book, going to the gym, or shopping? Make time for these activities.

Detox from Social Media or Internet: Are you comparing yourself to online perfection? Take a break from those unrealistic and often fake images of people. Be mindful of the type of content you are looking at and if it impacts how you feel about yourself.

Hang Out with Positive People: Are your friends putting you down? Do you feel bad about yourself when you are with them? They are not likely your friends, and it could be time to get some new ones. Look for people who appreciate you and boost you when you need it.

Take Care of Your Body: Get active, exercise, eat well, and get lots of sleep!

Remember, being positive about yourself isn’t about bragging; it’s about liking “you” even though you know you’re not perfect!

Written by Sophie, a post-graduate student from University of Guelph-Humber.

With references from Kumar’s “10 tips of self-esteem to boost yourself easily” and Olivine’s “What is self esteem? A personal perception of self-concept, which can vary from positive to negative”.

Sign up today for U Got This! An activity series to help you “put yoUrself out there”

In May 2020, we introduced the U Got This! Challenge, a weeklong virtual activity series to help youth cope with the challenges associated with COVID-19. We’re excited to announce our 3rd annual, starting November 14! This time, we’re helping youth to “put yoUrself out there” with a 5-week activity series led by our team. The goal is to help youth regain confidence, social skills, a willingness to try new things, and spreading kindness now that we are able to reengage in social activities. You do not have to be a Upopolis user to participate.

Here is how it works:

  • 5 activities sent out via e-mail on the Monday of each week beginning November 14th, 2022
  • E-mails will contain everything youth need to participate in the activity virtually: a video lesson, handouts, and any other important information
  • Participants will be invited to work on photo projects, art pieces, coping skills and other exciting activities

A little sneak peek into our weekly themes…

Kindness – two activities will focus on spreading kindness! We challenge you to get crafty, and spread kindness for 7 days. Do you think you can do it?

Goal Setting – goals give us something to work towards, keep us motivated, and if we’re lucky, something to celebrate!

Building Social Skills – entering social settings with people you don’t know can be scary. Together we’ll work on ideas and tips to help you cope and work through these experiences.

… and more!

Youth do not have to be part of our Upopolis community to join, the workshop is FREE, and it is facilitated entirely by certified child life specialists who are trained to support children and youth through life’s challenging events.

Do you want to take part, or know a youth who would benefit? E-mail support@upopolis.com to let the team know, “I want in!”

How to: Build Confidence in Teens

Everyone struggles with self-doubt at one point or another. For youth, though, it’s especially more common as they search for independence and their own identity; both completely normal parts of teenage development. 

As teenagers strive for independence, they can simultaneously want acceptance from their parents, friends, and those around them. Research shows links between the perceived acceptance we feel from others and self-esteem. Teens who display positive self-esteem and a sense of confidence are better equipped to take healthy risks, problem solve and try new things. 

However, helping our teens feel accepted and confident isn’t always so easy to do. Their brains are going through significant development as they find their own identity; to add to that, they’re also trying to re-organize everything they’ve ever learned as they find their sense of self. This leaves us, as guardians, struggling to influence them in a positive way. 

Here are 15 easy tips from the Big Life Journal to help you support the youth in your lives – to help them feel accepted, build up their confidence, and foster their self-esteem, so they can grow into happy, self-aware adults!

Creating a world for all ages: Youth Takeover for International Youth Day 2022

Have you ever experienced ageism? It’s not something we often think about, but it’s a very common stereotype.

The World Health Organization (WHO) defines ageism as “the stereotypes (how we think), prejudice (how we feel) and discrimination (how we act) towards others or oneself based on age.” And on this day, August 12th, also known as International Youth Day 2022, we’re joining the masses in speaking out about ageism!

We wanted to learn how to leverage the youth in our lives for a better tomorrow. Thanks to Jenna, a youth on our website, who sent us her perspective and opinions on how ageism has affected her life (see below). She also offers advice from personal experience about what other youth can do to make the world a better place, even from a young age. This is just another reminder that there is so much value in youth sharing their experiences for others to learn from!

“As a youth myself, I think International Youth Day is very important. In my opinion, the most critical point in one’s life is the time of his or her youth. Society should focus on youth because they determine the future.

I think ageism is a very important topic and it’s so prevalent in our society. I have witnessed and experienced ageism against teens by adults. For instance, we are sometimes called “snowflakes” for raising our voices and having opinions on certain subjects. During school, [my classmates and I] were made fun of for our inability to read cursive (even though it wasn’t taught to most of us), but our ability to navigate technology (something we learned in elementary school, so it’s so natural for most of us now!)

I believe ageism is more engrained in society than other forms of discrimination. People don’t even think they’re stereotyping based on age. For example, when it comes to employment, I have found that employers often believe people my age are inexperienced. In my experience, providing the opportunity for young people to gain valuable on-the-job training is often used to justify unjust practices such as low wages (that are sometimes not even livable), or unpaid internships. These types of experiences are inaccessible to young people who have to support themselves but can’t do so when they take on unpaid work. Not to mention, then they try to access social protection which can also be hindered by age-based criteria.

I’ve also really felt the effects of ageism when it comes to being involved in decisions that directly affect young people. We are often viewed as too young, too immature or too apathetic to meaningfully participate in democratic processes, which limit our ability to help make important societal decisions. Ageism is definitely an underlying barrier that people my age face.

However, I truly believe youth can help change the world if we get the chance. Here are my tips on how to help change the world as a young person and to help reduce the ageism stereotype:

  1. Volunteer or donate to charity. Contact the local volunteer organizations in your area and discover a cause that you feel passionate about to work on!
  2. Shop carefully. In my opinion, businesses are some of the most important and influential organizations in the world today.
  3. Become an advocate. Speak up about injustices in the world and get your friends involved, too.
  4. If you can’t do anything major, focus on the little things. For instance, recycle! Anyone can recycle and these days just about anything can be recycled! From newspapers to plastic to computers and old mobile phones!”

Written by Jenna, a Upopolis member. All views and opinions are her own.

Happy International Youth Day to all the amazing youth we know!

Self-Care debunked: 3 Myths about the trendy topic

This isn’t like your regular blog post about self-care. 

It seems as though self-care has been all over social media, especially because of the uncertainty over the last 2 years. Yes, we entirely support the idea of consciously adding self-care to your everyday routine, but we know you already know the benefits.  

Even though we are bombarded with information about self-care, it’s hard not to make our own assumptions about it. For instance, we might think it’s time consuming, difficult to access without resources, or that engaging in it means we’re selfish. 

These 3 myths about self-care will hopefully debunk some preconceived ideas you may have, and will encourage you to go from just reading about this trendy topic to actually taking part!

  1. Myth: self-care is anything that brings you comfort and joy. 
    • While yes, self-care should bring you these things, there is a difference between engaging in activities that support your health and wellness, and activities that are used to destress and unwind. Watching TV marathons, turning to substance use, or binge eating foods that aren’t a good source of nutrients are habits that many people turn to at the end of a long day, but may be addictive or harmful to your mind or body. While these activities may help you unwind, they don’t support you. Self-care should be adding to your mental and physical well-being. 
  2. Myth: self-care can only happen in large chunks of time. 
    • You certainly need to be mindful about adding self-care into your day, but it doesn’t need to be a whole day of pampering. Self-care can be taking a few minutes to reflect on your daily wins right before you hop into bed at night, or realizing you’re feeling stressed and taking a moment to stretch your arms and legs while breathing deeply. Self-care doesn’t need to consume your day – the little things add up! 
  3. Myth: self-care should only be done as a reward. 
    • I don’t deserve a trip to the beach because I haven’t done the laundry yet.” Sound familiar? Thinking this way creates the belief that we only deserve to take care of ourselves after we have accomplished something. When in fact, if we take care of ourselves, we have more energy to focus on completing greater things and being successful in other aspects of our life. Take care of yourself first, and the great things will follow. 

Are you ready to start your self-care habits? What’s one thing you can add to your day that takes less than 5 minutes? These few minutes every day will start to add up to a healthier you!

Summer fun while grieving… how do I do this?

Warmer days, longer nights and the excitement of school coming to a close. Summer is right around the corner, and with that comes barbecues, pool parties, celebrations and more. For many, this is what summer is all about, but for those who are navigating a death and are grieving, the idea of a social experience or celebratory event can be daunting. Am I ready? Will people ask me questions? Will I feel overwhelmed? Will my emotions take over?

These are all very normal thoughts and feelings to have while entering unchartered territory. To support you in this transition we thought we would share some helpful tips for participating in social spaces.

  • No need to go from zero to hero this summer. Setting expectations for yourself that feel safe and supportive can help in the transition. Perhaps your goal is simply to stop by the event for thirty minutes. Maybe you create a check-in with a caregiver at a determined time to evaluate your coping.
  • If you’re worried that people will ask about your grief, or the person who has died, come up with a one-liner or script that you’re comfortable sharing. This will take the pressure off in the moment and ease your anxiety.
  • Know that it’s OK to take breaks; do some deep breathing in a washroom, go for a walk, or simply step outside for a breath of fresh air. Taking care of yourself is important.
  • Identify a safe person you can speak with or call if you get overwhelmed and want to talk, or even leave.

Being surrounded by others having fun and being joyful can feel like a sharp contrast to what you’re feeling inside, and may trigger strong and maybe even unexpected emotions. It may feel lonely or isolating to be grieving while surrounded by celebration. Know that you are not alone and that there are people who can relate.

Upopolis is here to support you and is a safe space to connect with others and feel heard and understood. Let us know about your experiences this summer on Upopolis! To join, e-mail support@upopolis.com.

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