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When Someone You Love Is Sick: It’s Okay to Have Feelings Too
When someone in your family is sick, a lot can change. Routines might look different, plans may be put on hold, and you might find yourself worrying about what comes next. Whether it’s your parent, grandparent or sibling who is unwell, you may be experiencing feelings that are difficult to explain and that’s okay.
Sometimes, it can feel like everyone’s focus is on the person who is sick. You might try to be helpful, keep things to yourself, or act like everything is fine because you don’t want to add more stress to your family. Maybe you aren’t even sure how you feel.
Whatever you’re feeling, there’s something important to remember: you matter, too.
It’s Okay to Feel More Than One Thing
When someone you love is sick, your feelings can be complicated. You might feel worried about their health one moment and frustrated about how much your life has changed the next. You might feel sad, confused, angry, guilty, or even unsure of what you’re supposed to feel.
Maybe you miss spending time with your parent because they have appointments or need more rest. Maybe your sibling is getting extra attention, and you feel like your own needs are being put on the back burner. Or maybe you feel worried about the future but don’t know who to talk to about it. You might even feel guilty for being frustrated or wanting things to go back to how they were before.
All of these feelings can exist alongside how much you love someone. You can love your family and still feel frustrated. You can understand why things have changed and still wish they hadn’t. You can feel grateful for the time you have together and still feel sad about what you’re going through. Having complicated feelings doesn’t make you selfish, ungrateful, or a bad family member. It makes you human.
You Don’t Have to Be Strong All the Time
Sometimes, when someone in your family is sick, you might feel pressure to be the strong one. You may try not to cry, avoid talking about your worries, or tell everyone you’re fine even when you’re having a difficult day. Maybe you don’t want to upset your parent. Maybe you think your sibling already has enough to deal with. Or maybe you’re used to being the person everyone can count on. But being strong doesn’t mean pretending you’re okay all the time.
You are allowed to have hard days. You’re allowed to ask questions, express your worries, cry when you need to, or admit that you don’t know how you feel. You don’t have to have the right words for everything you’re experiencing.And remember, you are not responsible for fixing everything or making everything okay. It’s okay to let trusted adults support you, too.
It’s Okay to Have Fun, Too
Have you ever laughed with your friends, enjoyed a day out, or gotten excited about something and then suddenly felt guilty because someone you love is sick? You might wonder whether it’s okay to have fun when things at home are difficult. The answer is yes.
You can care deeply about someone and still enjoy your life. You can go to school, spend time with friends, play your favourite game, celebrate something exciting, or look forward to the weekend. Taking a break from worrying doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten about your loved one. Finding moments of happiness doesn’t make their situation any less important. It’s okay to have moments that are just for you. You deserve laughter, connection, new experiences, and things to look forward to even when life feels uncertain.
Finding Little Ways to Cope
You might not be able to change what’s happening with your loved one’s health, and that uncertainty can be difficult. But there are small things you can do to help yourself through challenging moments.
Here are a few ideas to try:
- Talk to someone you trust. This could be a friend, family member, teacher, school counsellor, or another trusted adult. You don’t have to keep everything to yourself.
- Find a way to express your feelings. Try journaling, drawing, listening to music, or writing down what’s on your mind. You don’t have to share it with anyone unless you want to.
- Keep some familiar routines. When life feels unpredictable, little things like your favourite show, a regular walk, or time with friends can provide a sense of normalcy.
- Ask questions when you need information. If you’re worried or confused about what’s happening, you can ask a trusted adult to help explain things in a way that makes sense to you.
- Give yourself permission to take a break. It’s okay to spend time doing something you enjoy, even if you can’t stop thinking about what’s happening completely.
- Let people know what you need. Sometimes, that might mean asking for extra time with a parent, wanting someone to listen, or simply saying, “I’m having a hard day.”
Not every coping strategy will work every time, and that’s okay. Finding what helps you is a process. Some days, talking might help. Other days, you might just want a little quiet time. You don’t need to figure it all out at once.
You Deserve Support, Too
When someone you love is sick, it can sometimes feel difficult to ask for attention or support because you know they’re going through something challenging themselves. But your feelings don’t become less important because someone else is unwell. You deserve people who listen to you, take your worries seriously, and make space for what you’re experiencing. You deserve to ask for help when things feel overwhelming, and you don’t have to wait until things become really difficult to reach out.
If you aren’t sure how to start a conversation, you could try saying:
- “I’ve been worrying a lot lately, and I think I need someone to talk to.”
- “I know things are hard right now, but I’ve been having a hard time, too.”
- “Sometimes I feel like I should be okay, but I’m not really sure how I feel.”
- “Could we spend some time together? I’ve been missing you.”
- “I don’t need you to fix anything. I just need someone to listen.”
You don’t have to say everything perfectly. Sometimes, starting the conversation is enough. And if the first person you talk to isn’t able to give you the support you need, it’s okay to reach out to another trusted adult.
A Little Reminder for You
If someone you love is sick, you might not always know what to feel, what to say, or what will happen next. There may be days when you feel okay and other days when everything feels a little harder. You don’t have to feel the same way every day. You don’t have to be positive all the time. And you don’t have to carry everything on your own. You can love someone and feel frustrated. You can be worried and still laugh with your friends. You can want to help your family and still need help yourself.
Someone you love may be going through something difficult, but you are going through something, too. Your feelings matter, your needs matter, and you deserve support.
Take a Moment for Yourself
If you’re comfortable, take a few minutes to reflect on one or more of these questions:
- What’s one feeling I’ve been experiencing lately that I haven’t talked about?
- What’s something that helps me feel a little more like myself?
- Who is someone I feel comfortable talking to when things get difficult?
- What’s one thing I wish others understood about my experience?
This is simply a chance to check in with yourself and remember that your feelings deserve space, too. You don’t have to go through it alone.
Changing Seasons, Changing Pace: Finding Your Fall Flow
There is something special about October. Trees turn gold, red and yellow, the air gets crisp, and the world naturally invites us to slow down. But while nature is easing into a quieter season, your schedule might be doing the exact opposite. Between school assignments, staying connected with friends, and managing medical appointments, treatment schedules, or health changes, autumn can quickly feel overwhelming.
If you’re feeling the weight of a busy calendar, remember this: you don’t have to move at the same speed as everyone else to enjoy the season. Here’s how you can honor your health, protect your energy, and still savor the magic of fall.
1.Match Your Pace to Your Season
Nature doesn’t bloom all year long, and you aren’t meant to constantly run at full
speed, either. School deadlines, appointments, new routines, hospital visits or
managing different symptoms, can take lots of physical and emotional energy.
–Give Yourself Credit: Recognize that establishing a new school routine,
socializing with friends and managing your health can be a delicate
balance. If an appointment takes most of your strength, it is completely
valid to rest for the remainder of the day.
–Listen to Your Body’s Signals: Trouble focusing, fatigue and or feeling
easily frustrated are signs that your system may need a pause. Resting isn’t
a failure—it’s an essential part of your care
2.Create Low-Pressure Traditions
Fall is packed with social expectations, but you can redesign traditions to
fit your comfort level:
–Swap Big Crowds for Cozy Spaces: If a busy fall event feels exhausting,
bring the fall vibe to you. Decorate your room, bake seasonal treats, or host
a low-key scary movie night with a close friend.
–Keep Connection Flexible: True friends understand that your health
comes first. It’s okay to join a group chat, hop on a video call, or hang out
online when going out in person isn’t in the cards.
-The “Exit Strategy”: When you do attend events, give yourself an easy exit
plan beforehand. Knowing you can leave whenever you need to, takes
away a lot of the pressure.
3.Build Your Personal “Fall Comfort Kit”
When days are filled with long school hours, homework, waiting for
appointments, or different commitments, having a portable “Comfort Kit” can
make a hard day feel much softer:
-Sensory Comforts: Pack a cozy sweater, your favorite lip balm, or a soft
blanket for appointment days.
-Mindful Distractions: Create a go to playlist, audiobooks, or have a pocket
journal ready to help you decompress between commitments.
-Small Rituals: Find one tiny thing each day that grounds you—like
watching the leaves fall outside your window or sipping a warm drink
after a long day.
What is one small way you bring comfort to your routine when school and health commitments start to pile up? Enjoy finding your fall flow. 🙂
Navigating Back-to-School Nerves: Tips for a Confident Start
The start of a new school year can evoke a wave of emotions for children and teens. While some experience the excitement of a new year looking forward to reuniting with friends and teachers, others may feel anxious and unsettled
about the many unknowns of what’s to come. These feelings are all normal and reflect the significant transition each new school year brings. Understanding and addressing these feelings can help create a smoother transition back to the
classroom.
The return to the classroom can feel unsettling for a number of reasons. There are changes in routines, new teachers, new classmates, social pressures of fitting in and stress of school work that can feel overwhelming for many. It’s
important to remember that you’re not alone in feeling anxious about returning to school; many kids and teens share similar concerns and fears.
Here are 5 tips to help support school age child(ren):
- Start adjusting bedtime and wake-up times a couple of weeks before school starts. Create a consistent morning routine, to help your child know what to expect each day.
- If possible, visit the school beforehand to familiarize your child with the school environment. Connect with their homeroom teacher, request a meet and greet before the first day.
- Have open discussions about their fears or concerns about their first day. Validate their emotions and let them know that these feelings are perfectly normal and that they’re not alone.
- Prepare for the first day together. Involve your child in picking out their outfits and school supplies.
- Teach your child about calming activities. Create a calm-down kit with items that help soothe them, like a favorite book or toy.
Here are 5 tips to navigate those back to school nerves (for teens):
- Talk it out. Share your feelings with a friend, family member or safe person.
- Identify school resources like counselors or clubs that can provide additional support.
- Practice self care. Get enough sleep, eat healthy, and engage in some form of regular physical activity leading up to, and during, school.
- Limit screen time! Set boundaries for social media use, especially before bedtime.
- Practice stress management techniques such as mindfulness, deep breathing, or journaling and utilize positive self- talk.
If you’re feeling anxious about returning to school, remember it is completely normal and those feelings are shared by many students. Finding support in a community and connecting with others navigating similar experiences can also be extremely helpful.
If you have any tips or strategies you find helpful, share them with our Upopolis community by visiting our social pages on Instagram (@upopolis) or Facebook (@upopolis) and sending us a message!
Navigating grief during summer: A teen’s guide
Summer vacation is supposed to be a time of fun, sun, and freedom! However, if you’re dealing with grief, it can feel like your sadness is increased during a time that should be so carefree. Whether you’ve lost a loved one, a pet, or are experiencing another form of loss (ie. moving, parental divorce etc), it’s important to remember that it’s okay to grieve, even when the world around you seems bright.
Here are a few tips to help you cope with grief during the summer months:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s normal to feel a range of emotions when you’re grieving – sadness, anger, confusion, and even guilt. Allow yourself to experience these feelings without judgment. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or adult can also provide an outlet for expressing what you’re going through.
2. Find Comfort in Routine: While summer often disrupts your usual schedule, maintaining some sense of routine can be comforting. Whether it’s sticking to a morning run, reading before bed, or spending time on a hobby you enjoy, having predictable activities can offer stability during a time that feels really stormy.
3. Get Outside: Summer offers the perfect opportunity to connect with nature, which can be incredibly soothing! Take walks in a nearby park, go for a swim at the beach, or simply sit outside and listen to the sounds of outside – birds chirping, waves crashing, or kids playing. Being in natural surroundings can provide a sense of peace.
4. Honor Your Loved One: Find ways to remember and honor the person, pet or thing you’ve lost. This might involve creating a memory book, planting a tree or garden in their honor, or participating in activities they loved. Celebrating their life can be a positive way to keep their memory alive.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Have Fun: It’s okay to enjoy yourself, even while grieving. Laughter and joy are not disrespectful to your feelings, although it sometimes may feel like it. Allow yourself to participate in summer activities that bring you happiness, whether it’s hanging out with friends, trying a new hobby, or going on an adventure.
6. Be Patient with Yourself: Healing takes time, and everyone grieves differently. Some days may be harder than others, and that’s okay. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you navigate through this process. It’s okay to take breaks when you need them and to ask for support when it feels overwhelming.
Remember, grief is a natural response to loss, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience it. By allowing yourself to feel your emotions, maintaining routines, connecting with nature, honoring your loved one, enjoying summer activities, and being kind to yourself, you can navigate grief during summer vacation with resilience and grace. You’re never alone in this journey!
If you’d like to meet other youth who are navigating grief, join our Grief Island. Send an e-mail to support@upopolis.com with the subject line “I want to join the Grief Island!” and we will help get you signed up.
Exciting Times Ahead: Embracing Change with Our Brand Refresh
Change is in the air here at Upopolis! We’re thrilled to unveil our refreshed brand identity, marking a new chapter in our 17 year journey.
A brand refresh isn’t just about updating visuals; it’s a bold statement of where we’ve been, and where we’re going. Ultimately, it’s our commitment to staying relevant with the teens and young adults who use our website, and the professionals who refer them to us. Our new logo is a representation of our dedication to connection. The three dots symbolize individuals coming together through our Islands and the larger Upopolis community.
Why the change? As we grow and adapt to new challenges and opportunities, we recognize the importance of aligning our brand with our vision for the future. This brand refresh is a reminder that Upopolis is a trusted and empowering online community for youth facing stressful life events, including grief and medical challenges. Upopolis is a safe space for connection, support and empowerment, with the goal of reducing social isolation and fostering resilience.
What can you expect? Beyond a fresh look, we are shifting our target audience to youth aged 13 to 23 across North America. We will continue to raise awareness about our free-of-charge programming to patients, parents, siblings and health professionals in this catchment area. Look out for our updated website which will be more user-friendly, resource-heavy, and an easy place to guide patients, parents and health professionals to find out more about Upopolis. Website updates will be announced in the coming months!
Thank you for being part of our story. We invite you to explore our new look, connect with us, and join us on this exciting journey forward. Together, let’s embrace change and write the next chapter of success for Uopolis!
Here’s to new beginnings and endless possibilities!
Youth Takeover: What I wish other people knew about living with a chronic illness
Jenna is a long-time member of Upopolis and a regular contributor to our blog post series. We appreciate and value everything she teaches us about being a young adult living with a chronic illness.
Today, she shares 5 things she wish others knew about living with a chronic illness. This is so insightful to those of us who don’t have a medical illness, as well as incredibly validating for those who do. Check out what she has to say:
1. The invisibility of an illness does not diminish its existence or impact. Invisible illnesses, often overlooked due to their lack of visible symptoms, can be just as debilitating as those with outward signs. Individuals including myself facing these conditions may struggle with daily challenges that go unnoticed, emphasizing the importance of empathy and understanding. Acknowledging the presence of invisible illnesses promotes a more compassionate and supportive approach to those dealing with such health issues.
2. The visibility or recognition of an illness does not determine its validity, and this holds true for individuals often referred to as “spoonies” who contend with chronic and invisible health conditions. Whether an illness is widely understood or remains unknown, the experiences and challenges faced by those dealing with chronic health issues are valid and significant. The term “spoonie” is often used to describe people managing conditions like fibromyalgia, lupus, or chronic fatigue syndrome, emphasizing the daily allocation of limited energy “spoons.” Recognizing and respecting the validity of these experiences promotes empathy and a more inclusive understanding of diverse health struggles.
3. When chronic illness warriors find themselves needing to cancel plans, it’s not an expression of dislike or a desire for isolation. Rather, it reflects the unpredictable nature of their health challenges. It’s crucial for friends and loved ones to continue extending invitations, engaging through FaceTime, and making efforts to foster a sense of inclusion. Chronic illness warriors appreciate gestures that make them feel loved and understood, such as learning their unique love languages. In doing so, relationships can thrive despite the challenges posed by chronic health conditions, reinforcing the importance of compassion and ongoing support.
4. Experiencing occasional colds or minor illnesses may provide insight into temporary discomfort, but it doesn’t equate to a full understanding of the complex and enduring challenges that come with chronic illnesses. Chronic conditions often involve persistent symptoms, fluctuating health, and long-term impacts on daily life. It’s essential to recognize the distinction between short-term ailments and the ongoing struggles faced by those with chronic health issues. Empathy and genuine understanding can only be cultivated through acknowledging the unique and sometimes invisible aspects of chronic illness experiences.
5. Choosing not to drink alcohol, whether due to health reasons or personal preferences, doesn’t diminish one’s coolness or ability to enjoy social gatherings. The decision to abstain from alcohol is a valid choice that deserves respect and understanding. Many still find joy in partying and dancing without the need for alcoholic beverages, embracing alternatives like delicious mocktails. Creating an inclusive environment where individuals feel validated in their sobriety fosters a more considerate and accepting social atmosphere, acknowledging the diversity of preferences and lifestyles.
Thank you to Jenna, and all our Upopolis members, who teach us something new every day!
Journal Prompts for Youth Experiencing Stressful Life Events
Journaling is often suggested as a way to cope with challenging life events, such as illness or grief. It offers many benefits for our mental, emotional and even physical well-being.
- Emotional expression: Documenting our thoughts and feelings is a healthy way to express emotions and reduce stress.
- Self-reflection: Journaling allows us to gain insight into our own thoughts and behaviours. When we reflect on our own experiences, we can better understand our responses to situations.
- Problem solving: Writing about our challenges or problems can help us brainstorm solutions and consider different perspectives.
- Gratitude: Identifying things we are grateful for can promote a positive outlook and feelings of happiness.
- Improved self-esteem: Taking the time to recognize our own accomplishments, strengths and positive experiences can boost self-confidence and self-esteem, since a journal is a tangible reminder of our achievements.
Over the past few months, the Upopolis Instagram page (@upopolis) has been sharing journal prompts for youth who are experiencing challenging life events, including youth with a medical illness, and youth with a parent or caregiver with a medical illness.
Today, we are sharing these journal prompts all in one place for easy access and BONUS, we have added journal prompts for youth who are grieving, and youth who have a brother or sister with a medical illness.
Check out the full list below, and be sure to save this article!
Journal Prompts for Youth with a Medical Illness
- Some coping strategies I can use during painful days or flare ups…
- Something that my medical illness has prevented me from doing is… Some ways I can try to make this happen are…
- Here are some goals I have despite my illness…
- How has this illness helped me become resilient?
- A time I felt proud of myself was when…
- Things in my life I can control…
Journal Prompts for Youth with a Parent/Caregiver with a Medical Illness
- Some coping strategies I can use during sad/frustrating days…
- If I could tell me parent/caregiver anything, I would tell them…
- What can I do to give myself more “me” time?
- How has this experience helped me become resilient?
- 5 good things about today…
- Things in my life I can control…
Journal Prompts for Youth who are Grieving
- A list of people I can go to for support, either in person or virtually…
- A memory of my person who has died that makes me cry is…
- A memory of my person who has died that makes me laugh…
- If you could tell the person who died about your day, what would you tell them?
- In my body, I feel grief… (where?) How does it make me feel?
Journal Prompts for Youth who have a Brother/Sister with a Medical Illness
- Today, I’m having a hard time with…
- Something I wish my support system could understand or help with is… Ways I could tell them about this are…
- Am I respecting my boundaries? Everything I want to say yes to is… and everything I want to say no to is…
- Sometimes I can’t control my sibling’s illness. However, some things I can control in my life are…
- What does a good day look like? What does a bad day look like? How can I add more good-day elements into my bad days?
Be sure to follow @upopolis on Instagram to get more coping tips and strategies like these journal prompts!
IT’S BACK! Virtual Camp for Youth with Cystic Fibrosis
We have an amazing virtual opportunity taking place July 8th – 12th for youth with cystic fibrosis!
Camp Maple Leaf and Upopolis are teaming up to provide youth living with cystic fibrosis from all across Canada the opportunity to participate in our virtual camp, “Camp Fromaway”! Last year was Camp Fromaway’s inaugural year, and it was a huge success. We can’t wait to do it again!
What is virtual camp?
It’s the experience of camp, but online!
Camp Fromaway provides youth aged 11-17 from across Canada who are living with cystic fibrosis, and their siblings, the opportunity to meet each other while participating in fun daily camp activities. Campers who register by April 30 will receive all activity supplies they need to participate.
The best part? Campers will meet others just like them! This will provide them with a sense of belonging, teach coping skills, and help reduce feelings of isolation often associated with chronic or medical illnesses.
How to register?
Applications for Camp Fromaway are will be accepted until April 30th, 2024 at the link:
https://forms.gle/SiciN6pnPg3fivz36
To receive a digital poster to print or e-mail to your patients/clients/students/families, e-mail support@upopolis.com – just ask for a Camp Fromaway poster.
What is Camp Maple Leaf?
Camp Maple Leaf is a not-for-profit sleepover camp for children of Canadian Military families and children living with unique challenges. Their sleepover camp provides children and families who share similar life experiences with a special place to call their own.
Upopolis and Camp Maple Leaf are on a mission to support youth going through challenging life events by connecting them with others through the camp experience. For more information, visit www.campmapleleaf.ca or e-mail support@upopolis.com.
Camp takes place July 8th – 12th from 12:00pm – 2:00pm EST. Can’t wait to see you there!
Coping with strong grief emotions
When someone you know dies, it can affect you and the people you know in many different ways. These changes can be very hard, so it can be helpful to find healthy ways to cope with strong emotions.
Here are 10 ways you can cope with all the strong emotions that come with grief:
- Learn the names of your emotions so you can better understand what you are feeling and share your emotions with someone else.
- Practice deep breathing and mindfulness activities (this can include lots of activities such as yoga, exploring the senses, spending time in nature, journaling, or doing arts and crafts).
- Move your body in ways that feel good for you, such as walking, dancing, or exercising.
- Eat meals that are full of good nutrients, and stay hydrated by drinking lots of water.
- Take a warm or cold bath/shower – whichever feels best for you.
- Find time to relax and rest your body, including sleeping.
- Engage in something creative such as music, art or dance.
- Play and do activities that you enjoy, every day if you can!
- Spend time in places that help you feel safe, calm, and comfortable. This can be your home, with friends or loved ones, or some place special to you.
- Talk with people you can trust and who really care for you.
Children’s Grief Awareness Day is on November 16 and was designed to help bring awareness to the needs of children and youth who are grieving. Click here to learn more: https://www.childrensgriefawarenessday.org/cgad2/index.shtml